Living

Tomorrow’s the day.  The last day I take a birth control pill.  Not just for this cycle, but until I can have a baby. 

Holy shit eh?!?

Yeah, first I gotta deal with the friggin flood gates opening about mid-next week but then after that… come *next* Sunday?  I won’t push the tiny yellow pill through its package.  And I won’t do it that Monday or Tuesday, etc.

Wow.

The plan was to have my friggin condo rented by now so that we weren’t getting pg and having to fork out rent and a mortgage.  The plan was to be able to start saving money *during* the pregnancy to have that safety net that everyone really needs.  You just never know what’s gonna happen after all.

But sometimes… things just don’t go according to plan.

And who the hell knows how long it will take for me to actually get pg – or if I will at all. I mean, in all seriousness, I don’t think I’ll have a problem getting pg but you never know until it happens and until it sticks.

Boy I don’t know how all those pg ladies do it; how they remain calm through those first 12 weeks or so.  I’d be a nervous wreck.  Wow.   I can’t believe I’m talking about getting pregnant in a way that’s more present tense than in the far off future.  Wow.

This is all actually happening isn’t it?  This is reality, isn’t it? My reality. My life. I’m actually living!

Fuckin’ aye it feels great!