“I’ve been a bad, bad girl.”

‘Member that song (that line was in the chorus; I believe the title of the song was Criminal)? By Fiona Apple? Whatever happened to her anyway?

Anyhow, I haven’t been blogging lately.  I’m not sure why, but there hasn’t been much to say, much to get out I suppose.

I mean, sure I can bitch and moan about my health and physical well-being, but what fun is that?  Who wants to hear that I’ve suffered through two weeks of horrid PMS?  Why is that different from any other month?  Who wants to hear that while my foot is healing nicely, I have (well had, actually) not one, not two, but four ingrown toenails in said foot?  Gross.  Nobody wants to read about that.  Who wants to read that I’ve had dental issues and that my mouth has been aching every fucking day now for two weeks and that all I can eat is soft food?  Whooptiefuckingdoo.

So yeah, that’s probably why I haven’t been blogging much.  Heh.  That and the fact that that’s really all that’s been going on.  A bunch of aches and pains, a bunch of nothing.

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CB and I have been talking more about babies. Ah, babies. ::smile::  We’ve already come to terms with (well *I’ve* come to terms with it as he’s realized it for a while) the fact that I’ll have to continue working after we have a baby.  A mini-us. ::smile::  I’ve been throwing around the idea of working part-time.

The problem *always* goes back to all of *my* debt.  Yes, we’re married.  But we’re also in our 30s and just newly married.  Sorry, but I do *not* believe my husband should be responsible for any debt I incurred prior to marriage (even though we were together for 7 years prior to marriage and a lot of that debt occurred during those 7 years).  It’s my debt; I need to pay it off. 

Sure he’ll help where he can, but he simply cannot afford to pay out a full rent, electricity, gas, phone, cable, food, etc plus *my* debt.  He can’t do it without help from me.

If only I could get that damn condo rented.

Anyhow, I got my W2 form.  Just moments ago.  And it’s sad.  No, actually it’s fucking pathetic.  I’m a 30-something college graduate and I make as much as the 20-something tool sitting around the corner from me.  Not fair, but it’s my own fault.  I simply didn’t apply myself.  I simply didn’t live my life (like my previous post talks about) before I hit my thirties; instead life just sort of happened.

Don’t get me wrong; the money I make is not something to look down at.  It’s not like I’m making minimum wage or anything.  I’m doing OK…. just not what I’m worth IMO.

Uck, I don’t know…

I like my job.  I’ve been here 5 years and I like it.  I like the people, the environment, the work and the benefits.  The only things I dislike, really, are the commute and the pay.  Do I really want to piss away 5 years of a good, steady job to chance making more money elsewhere?  What if I hate the environment or the people?  What if they won’t be flexible?  Fuck, I’d have to start ALL OVER AGAIN with my vacation and sick time.   Do I look for something FT or PT? 

The easy thing for me to do is to just stick it out where I’m at, where I’m comfortable, where I know I’ll have a job until I don’t want it anymore, where I know I can count on certain things to happen…. especially since I want a baby.  I would think that most places would require one to work for a certain amount of time (a year, I’m guessing) before getting maternity leave.  And let’s face it: I want a baby now.  I’m not sure how wise it would be to start looking for another job while trying to get pg.

Uck, I don’t know. I just want to be able to pay off my bills so that I can put everything into a child.  But I’m not sure if that option is in my cards right now.

One day at a time, eh… I think I’m at least going to start *looking* at what’s out there.  It can’t hurt to at least look, right?  Oh, and I should probably at least get that resume updated…